Do you ever feel like all you need in life is an escape? That everything in the world will be set back upright if you could just stop time for a little while, and do something-anything- that doesn't reek of responsibility and "must-do?" Yeah. I figured you did.
I've been feeling that way a lot lately. More often than normal. I can usually expect to feel that way a few times in the year, but the past month or so its almost been an every other day thing. Now, it could be due in part to the fact that I have been living here in Provo for 4 1/2 years (longer than I've ever lived ANYwhere mind you, by about a year and a half), and I'm feeling antsy because everything about my biological time clock says its time to uproot and head to a new place. I never thought I would feel inclined to do that. I hated moving around as a kid. Now, in retrospect, I can see how much good it did for me. Back to the point though: I need to get out.
Maybe labeling it as an "escape" latches a too negative connotation onto things. I like my life. I've got it pretty good: Good job. Great boyfriend. Learning new things everyday. Feeling more and more comfortable with myself and who I am... So its not like I feel this desire to run away from everything and shut things out of my head because they're too exhausting or whatever to bear. I do however think that I do
need a spontaneous South Carolinan adventure or an unexpected trip to Belize every now and then to keep my head on straight. To re-focus me to who I am and what I want and need from life. Rejuvenation. What a beautiful idea! And so essential to sanity...
On a smaller scale, even just treating myself to a $100 shopping "spree" is sometimes all I need to get that little extra boost. No, I'm not a shopaholic... I'm much too practical. The desire is there, the guts however, are not. Every now and then though its healthy for me to be a little irresponsible (just a little). Helps keep me loose and not so high strung... just ask my sisteritas about the asparagus basil ravioli incident of '09...
I have also learned that it is harmful to my psyche to ignore these urgings. If I do, these feelings turn into ugly facades that my life is unpleasant and that my life has all these problems and it would be better if I just dropped this old life, moved to New Mexico (where I think part of my heart will always live) and become a new me and start a new phase. These thoughts I know are false and completely distorted. If you remember, my life is great. And if there really were so many issues in my life, they'd find me again, no matter where I plop down. And life goes by fast enough without me rushing it along. I need to enjoy it. All these feelings do is make me a cynical grouch, even if just temporarily.
Ergo, its much better to listen to those desires for adventure, satisfy them, then return with a smile (and decreased stress level) to the life I love.
Charleston, you never looked so good.
