Monday, April 27, 2009

Go with the Flow

(No Bradford, this isn't a Belize edition post... I'm such a bum! I don't know why its such a chore for me to get those written but I promise in the next couple days it will be done. Promise.)

I have noticed lately that things are different. A lot of things. Things that I've gotten so used to being around and a part of my life that I've hardly stepped back to really look at them and take them in. Its funny to see how those things, or my relation to those things, can change so much in any amount of time without me even realizing it. I'm speaking in fairly vague terms not to be mysterious but because there have been so many things lately I have been discovering this for that its hard to be more specific. Especially in the new stages of this discovery.

Change isn't bad. Its when I refuse to adapt or don't want to ride with the flow of those changes that it harms me the most. Change is also unavoidable, natural, so it doesn't make sense to stand still and never do anything or think anything differently from what I always have thought and done. Change is liberating. I've found that my mind has been opened and new opportunites and possibilities have been brought to my attention because of some of these changes. I've also discovered desires that I didn't realize I had until I took the time to look at myself more closely.

One thing that has been reiterated to me from all of this is that happiness is a choice. Anything and everything I do is a choice. I can choose to let life pass me by, or I can choose to embrace change and go where it takes me.

I have also learned that I need to get to know myself better. Its shocking how little I know about myself and how hard it is for me to be alone sometimes. Me, a fairly shy, introverted person has a hard time being with myself. You'd think if I'd had a hard time feeling perfectly comfortable around other people I would at least be able to find refuge in myself. But I found out recently that even with myself I felt like a stranger. Its not because I don't like myself, I just haven't taken the time to get to know myself better through all this change happening. I didn't realize how much I had changed. So much so that I became estranged from myself. I don't even know how long its been. I've learned that its important for everyone to find time to hang out with themselves. Otherwise we risk losing some of our substance and foundation.